


Every Piece of Your Soul

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie)



Series: Saeran [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extended Scene, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, POV Saeran Choi, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14017269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons
Summary: As all of Mint Eye searches for him, Saeran visits MC's room and pours his soul out to her. But when he tries to leave... she has something to say.Based on a VN at the end of Day 9.





	Every Piece of Your Soul

**Author's Note:**

> In preparation for writing Saeran, I have done my best to research Dissociative Identity Disorder, thought control (brainwashing), destructive cults, PTSD, and drug use. It is important to me that I handle these issues with sensitivity and respect. Still, I am human, and I humbly apologize for any mistakes I might make.
> 
> I must thank two wonderful people -- Trulycertain, who has graciously beta'd for me, and Drallak, whose insight made this fic possible.

There were no Believers outside her room. Saeran had been watching for a while, and he knew that they were checking in frequently, but apparently the Savior had every hand searching for him. Still, he knew the room wouldn’t be unobserved for long, so he took his opportunity to slip in.

Foolish of him to come here. But he couldn’t stay away. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of her quarters, and within seconds he could make out his surroundings in the moonlight. He searched the room and found her curled up under the covers of the bed Ray had chosen for her.

She was sleeping.

Guilt and relief swept over him in equal measure. She was sleeping, thank god. He’d been keeping her awake on purpose, using sleep as a tool to torment her. Ordering her to answer his chats in the middle of the night, sending Believers to imitate his footsteps and scare her into wakefulness. He yearned to talk to her now, but as he looked at her, he realized it was cruel to rouse her from her slumber. So he leaned against the window and simply watched her.

Ray was there, his presence strong within Saeran, aching for her desperately but not able to take control. The two of them gazed at her from behind the same pair of eyes, drinking in the sight of her: the slow rise and fall of her chest, the flutter of her lashes against her smooth skin. In sleep, she looked peaceful in a way Saeran had never seen her. 

Ray had seen her that way. She’d given Ray the same peaceful half-smile she wore now.

Mentally, Saeran shook himself, trying to pull himself out of his haze. He should leave. It was wrong to disturb her. With effort, he summoned the courage to walk out.

And her name escaped his lips against his will.

Dammit. What was he doing?

She stirred at the sound of his voice. “Saeran?”

The name surprised him — she’d said Saeran, not Ray. Waking up from a dream, he’d expected her to think of… “You recognize me right away…” Then guilt hit him. “You weren’t waiting for me, were you?” Lying there, frightened even in sleep that he would come back to hurt her again...

She started to move, and he said quickly, “No need to get out of bed.”

Still, she sat up, blinking in the moonlight. Her piercing eyes were fixed on him now, but there was no fear in them. No, they were full of kindness, understanding, wisdom. How could he ever have lied to himself that they were empty? Those eyes saw everything.

That was why he’d hated them so much. Nobody should see what was inside him. That was why he couldn’t stop staring at them now. He wanted to be seen.

There was so much he longed to tell her, and so much he should never say. The idiotic thing was that he couldn’t tell the difference between the two. When he opened his mouth to speak, all his thoughts came tumbling out. He told her of the battle within him, the need to be near her clashing with the fear that she would somehow triumph over him. He told her how hollow he felt —  how emptiness fueled his anger, how anger created more emptiness. She never gave in and never gave up, caring for him even as he tortured her. She amazed him. He told her that, too.

Her response was quiet. “You said so many cruel words, but you were the one to get hurt.”

Yes. She understood without explanation. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She understood him too well, and it terrified him. 

The past two days, he’d been certain that he had to punish her, to torment her until she broke. If he didn’t hurt her, if he let her in, it would be nothing for her to break him first. She could crush him to pieces with a handful of words. So he did everything he could think of to make her suffer. Every pain that had marked him, he inflicted onto her. But — she didn’t break. She stood strong, loving, never losing herself. And in the end, he understood that it was only himself he hated. All the fury he spewed at her was really aimed at himself.

Saeran said all this, too, praying that his words were good enough. As he spoke, Ray became harder and harder to ignore. Ray wanted her so much. He was so scared of being hated. But the hope… it was unshakable. He loved her too deeply.

And Saeran’s path became clear. 

“I’m ruined beyond hope. It’s impossible for me to throw away my hatred against the world and start over again in this little hell.” He gathered his courage to say his next words. “But...maybe it is possible for Ray.”

She watched him with wide eyes as he continued talking, listening raptly until his words ran out. Finally, he let out a breath. It was done. He’d said all there was to say. It was time for him to leave.

He was halfway across the room when she cried, “Ray. Ray!”

Her words brought him to a stop, tugging on his heart, holding him back so that he couldn’t take a single step. Within him, Ray was quivering with fear, worry, hope…

Saeran tried hard not to feel the same emotions. Tried, but failed.

“Ray.” The name was a whisper so quiet he had to strain his ears to hear it. She let out a shaky breath. “I love you.”

Her words hit him like a bolt of lightning, both of him, but in very different ways. Ray was electrified, vibrating with excitement and hope. Saeran… Saeran…

It was as though a bucket of ice had been poured over him. She loved Ray. She loved him. Well, that was a good thing, right? They really could be happy, the two of them. Saeran had been right. He had no place. He should disappear, go to sleep, give himself over.

Give her up.

“I love you.” Her voice was a little louder, a little less shaky. “I’m always going to love you. Even if I wanted to stop — and I don’t — I couldn’t. You’re in my heart forever.”

Saeran closed his eyes. Just for a moment, he let himself pretend those words were for him.

“I love — I love —” She took a deep breath. “I love every part of you.”

His eyes flew open. 

“Every corner of your mind. All the parts you’re ashamed of. All the parts you hate. The quiet parts. The angry parts. The parts of you that blame yourself, and the parts of you that blame others. There’s not a piece of you that I don’t love.”

Saeran couldn’t breathe. She wasn’t saying — she couldn’t be saying—

“I will love you,  _ every _ piece of your soul, forever.” Her voice began to shake again. “That’s a promise. Whether — whether you want me to or not.”

Inside him, Ray was on fire. Saeran was on fire, too.

“Can he hear me, too?” she whispered. “Can you tell him? Ray should know, too.”

Saeran turned slowly until he was facing her again. She was watching him. Tears glistened on her lashes, but her mouth was pressed into a determined line. Her chest heaved.

As he watched, a single teardrop trickled down down her cheek, and he had to fight the urge to run to her, to wipe it away. Instead he followed it with his eyes as it slid over her smooth skin. He took in her whole face, the way her determined expression was beginning to twist in pain, the corner of her lips turning down in sorrow. Those lips, those beautiful lips. Ray was so close to the surface — both of them could remember the feel of them against their own, so sweet and soft…

Without thinking, Saeran took a step towards her. She blinked up at him, confusion crossing her brow.

“Can I…” He swallowed, his eyes fixed on her lips. “Would you let me…”

God, what was he doing? What was he saying? He was  _ Saeran _ , he’d hurt her, tormented her, made her suffer again and again, and he was asking for…

Her eyes went hard, and he prepared himself for the rejection he knew was coming.

Without a word, she stood. Her feet took a step towards him… then another… then another…

She was standing before him now, too close, far too close. Not close enough. Her hand reached for his face, and he flinched, ready for a blow, but she merely ran her thumb across his lower lip. Electricity shot through him at the simple touch.

“This?” she breathed.

He couldn’t speak. He could barely nod. Within him, Ray was radiating joy and love.

She tilted her head up, leaning in closer. In a moment of unbelievable bravery, he bent his head down and touched his lips to hers.

And in that moment, they were one, Saeran and Ray, one person, one heart that beat only for her. One desire filling their mind — to never, ever stop kissing this woman, to never be apart from her again.

Then she pulled away, looking up at him cautiously, and they fractured once more. With all his being, Ray wanted to grab her and pull her into his arms. Saeran wanted the same — and was absolutely terrified of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not him, you know.”

“You’re Saeran,” she said, as if it were obvious. “I know who you are.”

He gaped. “Then… why…?”

In answer, she took both his hands in hers, her eyes never leaving his face. “Don’t hurt anyone anymore,” she murmured. “You don’t need to. You have nothing to prove. You’re strong, and your heart is much greater than you give yourself credit for.”

It was too much. He couldn’t process. “I have to go,” he choked out, stumbling backwards, jerking his hands from her grip. “I’m sorry, I have to… I have to…”

He turned away, nearly tripping over his feet, and staggered towards the door, tears obscuring his vision as he reached the hallway and ran.

 


End file.
